the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
