I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ladies don't puke and tell
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
