I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
