So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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