How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
