I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
