Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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