Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
