During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
where am i from again
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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