New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
