We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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