Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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