even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
