Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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