Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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