we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
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Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize