Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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