I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
