i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
