you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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