Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is Oprah even human
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
