Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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