i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
