that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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