I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
