I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize