Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
