dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
im on a boat
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