I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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