don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
