I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
