So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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