Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
