All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
