i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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