Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
