The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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