all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
