I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
