I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
