For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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