it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need to sanitize my soul.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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