I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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