i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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