I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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