afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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