I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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