I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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