fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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