she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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