Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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