My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize