I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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