She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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