brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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