While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
