On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
