yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
