You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
