Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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