At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
