Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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