That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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