This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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