Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
